As a life long ‘survivor‘ of the disorder (I say survivor because of that what I’ve been doing) but someone who’s never tried to get help, ADHD has been an incredibly complicated issue to internally tackle. It can be a very lonely existence. Despite how I look on the outside I’ve managed to sabotage every romantic relationship I’ve ever had and I’ve found it difficult to form connections with people and express my emotions. A lot of the time I’ve gone through life thinking that I wouldn’t even have friends if it wasn’t for the fact I’m outwardly a very confident, talkative and high energy person. As someone once said to me, ‘you’re a dickhead, but you’re our dickhead’. A fair assessment I would say.
Disclaimer: I do not, and will not use my ADHD as an excuse for my behaviours. I am still responsible for my actions.
This last week I’ve spent a great amount of time reading, researching and speaking to people with the disorder who’ve all experienced, or dealt with similar problems, or scenarios to myself. While it can’t be used as an excuse for my actions, it has given me a lot of context as to why I am the way I am. The thing is, I‘m not broken, or irreversibly damaged. I just need help, but that requires me to finally admit to myself that there is something wrong, and I can’t continue in silence expecting people to just work to who I am. I have to be prepared to change as well.
I’m lucky. I have an incredible support network around me. Whether it’s my parents, my friends, or my partner of five years. All of whom have deserved better on so many occasions. All of which have stood by me through the good and the inevitable bad. I would be lost without them and I can’t thank them enough.
This month is fundamentally about raising awareness. Well, I’ve started with myself. After 27 years I’ve chosen to finally get the help I need and to try to understand something which has impacted my life for so long. I challenge you to do the same.