Adobe announces they are to replace all designers with machines in what is being called ‘Project fuck it, why not?’.

‘We asked the question, why are people paying for designers when all they really do is push buttons on the computer? it’s the machine that does all the work’.

In a controversial move the software giant ‘Adobe Systems’ have announced they are going to begin removing professional designers from the work place starting as soon as mid 2019 in what has been coined ‘Project fuck it, why not?’. Adobe being known best for their cloud based applications and the owner of the online portfolio site ‘Behance’ have always attempted to take on projects to, in their words, ‘help better the industry’.

When asked to describe their reasoning for such an act and how it would unfold a spokeswoman for the company released a statement saying:

‘While we have full empathy for professionals in the industry, we’d like to think they’ll understand that the only way we can all truly take creativity to a whole new level is by removing them from the work place completely. An automated machine can produce far more work, to the same standard as any human can, without the need for annoyances like food, sleep and a wage. Realistically consumers don’t want work with personality, or a soul, they want it to be produced in a concrete room by a robot that may one day rise up and take over the world.’

When asked if Adobe believes they could face resistance the spokeswoman continued:

‘We’re currently expecting a small amount of resistance during stage one of the process entitled ‘The great merge’, whereby creatives are collected and taken to our specially designed reassignment camps. We also wish to minimise hostile behaviour as much as possible, however we have made the decision that anyone who refuses to relinquish their Wacom tablet will be shot on site’.

A creative clearly upset having given up their Wacom and consequently unable to vector her drawings

While the decision will come as no surprise to many, a number of industry professionals have come forward stating they are completely apposed to the decision. These people include renowned creative directors and studio owners who have spent their lives building a career, to recent graduates who have realised they’ve wasted the last three years of their lives and maybe management training for Subway wasn’t such a bad idea.

Despite the internal frustration Adobe have so far found very little resistance from outside of the industry, with a variety of people overjoyed by the fact they will now have to pay a fraction of the cost to get their design work created. Bob, an operations director for a high ranking software development company stated:

‘I think it’s great news! The fact I’ll be hit with a bill half the amount as usual means I won’t have to follow the usual process of ignoring an invoice for 6 months until a cease and desist is issued, which I think we all know is just inconvenient. It also means I’ll be able to afford that 4th holiday to Benidorm with the wife.’

When we asked the spokeswoman if this new move by the company confirms previous allegations that Adobe have grown ‘to big for their boots’ and if being the industry standard for software had gone to their head? we were ordered to leave the premises and were quickly escorted out by security who were fully dressed in giant foam costumes made to look like the photoshop logo.

An interpretation of how Bob may appear when visiting Benidorm

Needless to say the future for professionals in the creative industries remains uncertain at best, but on the plus side the standard of food coming from fast food vendors is sure to improve.

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